Glancing Back and Moving Forward

You’ve just about made it.

2020 is almost over and we’re all about to enter into a fresh new clean-slate-of-a-year. See ya later, 2020! 

While it might seem natural to want to discard everything about 2020 and run headfirst into 2021 without so much as a glance over your shoulder, looking back on this difficult year with intention just might be one of the best things you can do for yourself right now as we round the corner into 2021.

Think about this for a minute. When you look back on your life, haven’t the difficult times and painful moments played an important role in shaping you into the person you are today? If that’s true (which I believe it usually is), then we all have this enormous opportunity right now as we come out of a year that has been full of difficulty and pain. Instead of discarding everything about 2020 and asking for a do-over, what if instead we pause and take a look back over the past year to really evaluate what we’ve been through? To take into account the highs and the lows, the wins, the lessons, and the everyday moments we experienced throughout the year? Instead of running frantically away from 2020, what if instead we try to learn, grow, and improve through the hardships we faced?

Allow me to introduce: End of the year reflection activity. 

For years I have loved using the end of the year as a time to reflect, take stock, and plan. I see the end of the year as this natural lovely time to think about the previous year, what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, what I achieved, and where I struggled. If you’ve never done this before, there are many different types of these end-of-the-year reflection activities to choose from (and I have done several of them). This year, I decided to take bits and pieces from several versions I’ve done in the past with the intention of finding a reflection activity that really allowed me to take authentic stock of my 2020 life – the good and bad parts of it. I wanted something that would help me take into account all of the craziness of the year, a reflection that would guide me in thinking about how I handled the struggles, how I grew, how I changed. And I wanted something that would  then support me in using all of that information to intentionally plan how I will step into 2021.  

Looking Back on 2020

Step One – Dive into memories from the past year

You’ll start the process by looking back on the year and taking time to remember some of your standout moments. What were some of the highs and the lows of your year? 

As you do this, it’s important to take time to remember all of the contrasts of the past year, to pay attention to the standout moments of both the good and the bad, the new and the old. I’m a fairly positive person and I tend to naturally look at the bright side of things, but that is not what this exercise is all about. This exercise is about looking at all of it, and honestly remembering the good and the difficult moments.  

You should use one or all of the following to help trigger your memories:

Your calendar: You can use your phone calendar, a wall calendar, and/or your work calendar. Glance through each week or month and use your calendar entries to remind you of things that happened throughout the year.

A journal or your notes: If you are someone who journals or takes notes, glancing through your entries from the year can be a really impactful way to reflect. 

Your photos: Spend some time looking chronologically at your photos from the year. Chances are this will remind you of moments that you’d forgotten (and it tends to be quite fun!) My husband does this with our daughters at the end of every year. He sits down with them one at a time and they look through all of our photos from the year. The kids get a chance to talk through and reflect on their memories and then Dave asks them a series of questions, such as “what do you want to do more of next year?” The whole process is great, but he intentionally starts by having them look at pictures so that all of the things we did and experienced throughout the year are fresh in their minds as they answer the questions.  

A quick note of caution: No matter where you are in your life, 2020 has been hard. And depending on your current emotional state, the act of reflecting on this difficult year might not feel like a joy ride for you. You should be prepared for a myriad of emotions to creep up. There has been collective loss and grief in many forms, so you may find yourself experiencing moments of sadness or pain as you do this. That is ok. Certain memories might evoke these emotions, and spending time acknowledging them and feeling them is a healthy thing to do. You might also experience joy and contentment. Or regret and worry. Or all of the above. All of it is ok. The work here is to look back on all of the experiences and memories – the good and the bad, the joyful and the painful, so that you can use what you have learned from all of it as you move forward. 

Step Two – Identify Themes 

Alright, so you’ve taken some time to look through your memories and notice your stand out moments. The next step is for you to take a look at that list, and identify some of the themes that started to emerge for you? The themes can be simple or complex. Some will be negative and some positive and that is all ok. 

For example, one of the main themes that showed up for me this year had to do with life really slowing down after the pandemic hit. When I think back, it seems like we were all moving at warp speed before this year, going a million miles an hour.  And because of the pace and the quantity of things in my life, I think I was sacrificing some of the quality. The pandemic forced a disruption in this pattern for me. It forced a slow down, a complete change in the way I lived my life, and that change demonstrated to me that I was not being fully present for some of the very most important moments in life. I was caught up in the to-do’s, the should’s, the need-to’s, running from place to place and not remembering to pause and breathe. To remember to be right here, right now. I experienced increased presence, awareness, and connection in relation to the slower pace.

Maybe anxiety, worry, or fear were main themes for you. Or loneliness and the importance of connection. Or zoom meetings. Or countless walks with your dog.

Step 3 – Keeping your themes in mind, answer the following questions:

What have the events of this year taught you about yourself? What have you learned that you really need in your life?

What relationships emerged as the most important for you during this year?

What were some of your wins for the year? What went well for you?

Were there any new opportunities that came out of the difficulties you faced this year?

What did you learn about your own mental health this year? 

Moving forward into 2021

Now for the fun part. You took a little walk down the memory lane of 2020 and now you’ll use that as you intentionally make a plan to step into 2021. Keep your 2020 themes in mind as you take time to answer the following questions:

What do you want to take with you as you move into the next year? What do you want to do more of? Have more of? Be more of? What will that look like? What actions can you take to make sure that you carry this forward? 

What is something that you would want to leave behind in 2020? Something you could let go of that was not serving you. (Something that is within your control) Can you create an action step for that one too?

Is there an area of your life that you want to (and are ready to) improve? What do you want to work on? Can you create a couple of action steps?

If the next year could be one of the most meaningful and fulfilling years of your life, then what would it look like? What would make 2021 meaningful and fulfilling?

It’s important to remember here that if thinking big and the idea of using the struggle of 2020 as a springboard into your “most meaningful year” feels stressful and overwhelming, know that you are not alone and that it’s ok and normal if inspiration is just not coming to you right now. This has been a hard year, please don’t allow this activity to cause you to feel like you are doing anything wrong. 

But you should also know that focusing on a goal, something within your control that you want to improve – even if it seems tiny – is a way to direct your brain towards more positive and helpful thinking. So maybe you aren’t ready to imagine 2021 being one of the most fulfilling years ever, but can you imagine it as a good year? A great year? And what would happen to make it a good year? What would you want to accomplish? Be kind to yourself as you do this end-of-the-year reflection activity. If you need to leave a couple of questions out – leave them out. Use these questions as a template and mold the activity to help and support you as you reflect on 2020 and look forward towards 2021.

I hope you enjoy this process and that you learn something about yourself as you do it. Some of you will want to carve out some alone time for the reflection and some of you might want to do it with a partner. Regardless of how you choose to go about it, I am excited for you to reflect back on 2020 so that you can walk into 2021 ready to embrace it with open arms.

Happy New Years!